Day of No Sleep

I can't sleep. I've come to realize that this happens when I'm under extreme stress. I rarely sleep anymore.

I first began to suspect when I'd stay up all night before doctor's appointment, but now? Now I am 100% sure. With a paper due that needs to be in between 8-10 pages that I haven't even started I feel time pushing down on me... and sleep elude me. I toss and turn, sometimes for hours, and burst into tears at the least provocation. There is much more personal matters in my life, not just school, that contribute, but I'd rather not speak of them. However, this may be the best place to speak of them. For the people who read my blog are mere acquaintances and do not know the parties involved. So what care they if my marriage is in utter ruins and I have no friends to really speak of?

I have tried my hardest to live my life as God would want me to. I have fallen more than once and, make no mistake, I will most likely blunder again, but still I try to live a pure life. I'm honest to a fault, I treat everyone equally, would help a complete stranger in need, and still I have no one who really stands by me and loves me. Sure my kids do, but they are young and I'm no longer disillusioned into believing they will love me forever. No one does. I don't know what is so wrong with me and no one can tell me. Some say I act stuck-up, but I don't see it myself. I try to see myself from others views, but I still don't see it. Yes, I don't have much sympathy for those who've made their own beds, and my honesty can be rather harsh at times, but I will love you and be there for you through thick and thin, no matter who you are. If that isn't the epitome of friendship I don't know what is!

I'm just feeling really lonely, depressed, and disparaging this holiday season. :( Sorry for bringing anyone down with me.